I really need a vacation!

It has been a while since I updated this thing. Actually quite surprised I still have followers on this. Well things have been no better or worse. The little one had surgery to remove a herniation and I finally got my tubes tied. Yes there are some days I regret it cause I love babies but come back to reality fast when the three get super crazy on me. The two older ones are in school but had to stay home for a few weeks after they started cause the brought home a nasty cold. We are still trying to get Paiden help and may e a lil more calm. He's getting more and more aggressive and violent. But vocab and social skills are improving. Dave is working and it's nice, though some days ok most days I wish it were me. I'm in need of a vacation all to myself. No kids,no hubby, no stress... Just me. I don't even care where it is lol. Well it's getting that time I should think about getting stuff done. Tootled til later <3

How to safe a cat....and make the home kosher

Today, our 2 yr old got a hold of my last lil bottle of anointing
oil and opened it...... He came up running to me, handed the bottle to me and took off running..... we washed his hands to get the smell off of him since it is a very heavy smell.   We couldn't find out were he had poured it out....   We finally gave up looking..... Well later on tonight we are getting ready for bed and were laying down getting comfy.... and the cat, who loves to sleep at our feet, came pouncing up on the bed..... all of a sudden we see where the oil had gone..... the pour kitty had been heavily blessed today by the kids..... his entire back had been covered in dried anointing oil..... Well so the poor thing wouldn't get sick while cleaning himself, we decided it is time for his baptizing... AKA a bath.... all the while I am sitting here while the hubby is bathing the kitty.... all ya can hear is the cat screaming and complaining which is something he doesn't normally do for baths..... I guess you can say this is one cat that will goto heaven...LOL   On top of that ... our oldest this evening went into the fridge, grabbed the mustard, walked into the living room, stood right in front of me, shook the bottle a few times, then while I sat there in a daze at what he was doing... it wasn't until the third squeeze onto the carpet I realized what he was doing..... He was pouring mustard all over my carpet...LOL...... OI VEY!

Jesus is the greatest gift!

There hasn't been much happening tonight, I had confessed some deep secrets to some friends, came home cleaned up a lil bit and rested the rest of the day.  Tonight we are watching the Santa Clause movies I am remembered on one scene to tears..... the joy of Christmas, the wonder, the magic, the faith that came with hope and love.  I remembered on Christmas eve, right before bed, looking out the windows watching for any activity that might have been going on outside, the excitement and wonder of what was coming.  Only to be wide awake til what felt at the time like the wee hours of the morning listening to hear if I could catch any noises out in the living room or on the roof to catch a glimpse of the bearded jolly man.  There was something magical as a child about Christmas.  Today as I am trying to find my faith, a simple movie about the magic of Christmas and not so much about the true meaning of Christmas, has increased my faith... There is a reason to be joyful this Christmas, it's not because Santa is coming for the kids this here, thanks to some generous folks, but because I am here and I am free.... God sent His son as a gift to save us all from ourselves.... what could be a greater gift than that!? Thank You Lord, for restoring even the little bit of joy to enjoy the birth of the loving gift, Your one and only son!!

True Colors

You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember when
I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
Just call me up
Cuz you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Feeling screwed over again

We just can't seem to ever catch a break. Neither of us have a job, can't find one are down literally to our last $5 and now they are taking away one of the kids disability checks. Now I know that we shouldn't live mainly on those but when your out of work, in the country with no car and the needs of the kids out weigh everything in life what can you do? I am so fucking sick of being shot down every time we try and get out of the pit, we get slammed right back down. This is one of the things that makes it hard to find faith on a day like today. I need a job! Where are they?

Worship Works

Today I went to get the stitches out of my foot from the surgery.  I am appreciative of the driver I get, highly Christian man.... blaring his christian CD I had made for him back when Noah had his brain surgery. Apparently it has been planting many seeds, for other riders have been so moved by this music that he has made them copies of the CD and passes them out, gets people to pray and have faith.  He is exactly the breath of fresh air I needed, coming from the dark place that I am going through right now, it was nice to be able to be open and honest with someone and get immediate responses.  I was able to open my Bible while at the doctors and then listen and bellow out my songs not caring what or how it was coming out of my mind.  It also has given me many ideas as to what could be wrong with Paiden and also gave me ideas on how to fix it. Right now I am sitting here with a smile on my face, listening to worship music, and enjoying the evening.  Praise God!  

Things might be looking up

Today, my husband and a few friends have found out what I am feeling and the thought of the support behind them trying to get me through all of this is overwhelming. I know that some of it is because this is close to the time of year when I was brutally attacked by my ex resulting in me losing my first two babies and landing myself in a mental hospital.... Things like this will always lead to a downward slope. Thankfully I was able to get out of the house and do some volunteering at a church.... it always makes me feel better to be able to give like that.... I just want to give more... though I miss moments like this one in the picture.... I am still very depressed and know with my neurologist not wanting to give me the results I am entitled to to all of my tests it is making me really nervous... I am almost out of my meds that are barely keeping me sane and the doctors really don't seem to care.... on the bright side, I will be having my audition for my churches worship team here soon and I feel real hopeful about it. I love to sing and would love to sing to our Lord..... Thanks for those who are rooting for me to get better and make things work out for us here.... it means the world to me that I have such great friends.... love you all