True Colors

You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember when
I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
Just call me up
Cuz you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Feeling screwed over again

We just can't seem to ever catch a break. Neither of us have a job, can't find one are down literally to our last $5 and now they are taking away one of the kids disability checks. Now I know that we shouldn't live mainly on those but when your out of work, in the country with no car and the needs of the kids out weigh everything in life what can you do? I am so fucking sick of being shot down every time we try and get out of the pit, we get slammed right back down. This is one of the things that makes it hard to find faith on a day like today. I need a job! Where are they?

Worship Works

Today I went to get the stitches out of my foot from the surgery.  I am appreciative of the driver I get, highly Christian man.... blaring his christian CD I had made for him back when Noah had his brain surgery. Apparently it has been planting many seeds, for other riders have been so moved by this music that he has made them copies of the CD and passes them out, gets people to pray and have faith.  He is exactly the breath of fresh air I needed, coming from the dark place that I am going through right now, it was nice to be able to be open and honest with someone and get immediate responses.  I was able to open my Bible while at the doctors and then listen and bellow out my songs not caring what or how it was coming out of my mind.  It also has given me many ideas as to what could be wrong with Paiden and also gave me ideas on how to fix it. Right now I am sitting here with a smile on my face, listening to worship music, and enjoying the evening.  Praise God!  

Things might be looking up

Today, my husband and a few friends have found out what I am feeling and the thought of the support behind them trying to get me through all of this is overwhelming. I know that some of it is because this is close to the time of year when I was brutally attacked by my ex resulting in me losing my first two babies and landing myself in a mental hospital.... Things like this will always lead to a downward slope. Thankfully I was able to get out of the house and do some volunteering at a church.... it always makes me feel better to be able to give like that.... I just want to give more... though I miss moments like this one in the picture.... I am still very depressed and know with my neurologist not wanting to give me the results I am entitled to to all of my tests it is making me really nervous... I am almost out of my meds that are barely keeping me sane and the doctors really don't seem to care.... on the bright side, I will be having my audition for my churches worship team here soon and I feel real hopeful about it. I love to sing and would love to sing to our Lord..... Thanks for those who are rooting for me to get better and make things work out for us here.... it means the world to me that I have such great friends.... love you all